Attachment Styles in Adulthood: How They Affect Your Relationships

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in relationships? Why you pull away when things get too close, or why you feel anxious when a partner seems distant? Much of this can be traced back to something called your attachment style.

Attachment styles are patterns of relating to others that are formed in early childhood based on how our caregivers responded to our emotional needs. While we develop these patterns in our early years, they often show up in our adult relationships — especially in romantic partnerships, friendships, and even in therapy.

There are four primary attachment styles:

• Secure: You feel comfortable with closeness and independence. You trust others and feel confident in your relationships.

• Anxious: You crave closeness but fear abandonment. You may overthink or seek constant reassurance.

• Avoidant: You value independence to the point of pushing others away. Vulnerability can feel unsafe.

• Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized): You long for connection but fear it deeply, often due to unresolved trauma or inconsistent caregiving.

If you're noticing the same painful patterns in your relationships, whether it's emotional distance, clinginess, fear of abandonment, or conflict avoidance, exploring your attachment style can offer powerful insight. The good news? Attachment wounds can be healed. Therapy can help you build more secure, fulfilling connections with others and with yourself.